Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Heaven Just Got a Bit more Crowded

A son’s love for his mother is boundless. She is the person who heals his wounds both physical and mental. She is his provider and confidant. She is his first example of what a woman should and can be.

On Oct.4th I lost my mom. Wow, I can’t believe it..? Just typing that last sentence on this document seems alien to me…a lie! My mom was my biggest cheerleader of the account that one day I might become somebody. She knew I was not perfect, but she loved me anyway.

I spoke to a dear friend today and she shared with me a thought (you see she lost her mother many years ago)…She said to me “In the past, you might speak to your mom via phone and think about her for a moment. You might not think about her for days afterwards, even weeks (because of course…mom is always there). Now, that you’ve lost her…not another day will pass without you thinking about her always…

What a cruel lesson to learn and what a terrible way to learn it. I would give anything to be able to hear my mother’s voice again or listen to her mess up folk’s names. I loved how when my friends came around she would make them feel comfortable. You see if you were considered a friend of mine…you were a friend of hers. My mom would sit down and share the same 4 stories about me growing up with everyone she met. I miss my mommy! I would give anything to hug her one last time…but time owes me nothing.

One week she was fussing about going to work, the next I’m calling her 91 year old mother to tell her that her only child is gone…

But in the end, I was there. My mother gave me my final lesson. You see I sometimes shun responsibility when it’s tough. I had a dreadful fear of death. I should have known my mother was saving my greatest lesson for last. I held her hand and whispered in her ear over and over “I love you mommy…I love you” as I watched her heart beat go still on the monitor...

Lesson learned...

I will never forget you and I will make you proud. I promise to carry your memories forward by raising your grandchildren to be God fearing, respectable mini versions of you. I promise to take whatever time I have remaining on Earth and not waste one second doing something I hate doing! It’s the least I can do for a mother who gave up EVERYTHING to raise a curly headed skinny boy from Jacksonville by way of L.A.

Many of you know what I mean and empathise with my plight. To those who do…I respect the fact that you can even get up in the morning. Many of you still have your mothers, alive and well. To you I say….”Do not waste a second of her remaining life not letting her know how much you love and appreciate her. Don’t wait for “Mother’s Day”. Once she's gone (and God will call her home someday) you’ll not have that chance anymore and a part of you will be missing…..forever!

If there is a Heaven (and I’m sure it is) mom is up there looking for the Bingo Hall, knowing no strangers and telling those same 4 stories about her boy!!!

I truly am "Surviving my Next 365"

~Miles Flowers


  1. I am truly sorry for your loss but please remember she will still always be around. Certainly not in the same way she has been until now but in thoughts, memories and the hearts she touched, she will live forever.

    You may even swear you still feel her presence now and then and I'd believe you. I know it's not the same but it's definitely something.

    The next time you talk to her, tell her to look up my beloved Grandma Maria. I'm sure bingo and family love/pride are big Up There. Heck, you know they're probably clucking their tongues at us for something they see that we don't yet. (How did they always seem to know?!)


  2. I learned a long time ago, when I lost someone dear to me, that when you remember your loved ones who have moved on to a better place, they NEVER leave your side. I am PROUD to have gotten to see the product of what your mother sacrificed and fought for....YOU!!!! God bless you, and KNOW that you are being prayed with and for!!


  3. I'm wiping tears as I type. I know she is proud of you, Klarque. May her love and the wonderful memories you have carry you through this tough time and sustain you forever. No one ever "dies", but I know transitions are difficult. I send love and peace to you and your family through and always.

  4. Very very touched to read this,,the best way to pay tribute to her memory . is by being just as you are...a wonderful, commited,generous and caring human being.She will live always live in your memories and be loved through your prayers and thoughts....Rocio V.